Anyone want to get me out of this hole? I don't need to be here, despite what Anya says. I don't know what I need, but not this.

//Locked//

Really really scared and confused. And despite what Anya says I don't think it's okay to ask for help from friends. Especially when all you do is end up being a burden and cause of stress on said friends. Or ex-relationship people who are now sleeping with friends. Wesley was right when he said this was too much like a damn soap opera. Anya seems to be getting coffee at the moment, so I think I'll be crying now.

//unlocked//

And Anya has a tendency to over-exaggerate. So if she says I'm dying, or burned, or saying a steady stream of expletives to the doctors, she would of course be lying. And I don't need to talk to anyone either. What I need is something to take the edge off. And a larger social circle.

//Private//
It occurred to me maybe things aren't so bad. Mystery pregnancy and captivity aside. Maybe this is some misguided attempt of Anya's. Except I can't reach her. Which sort of makes sense. Okay so either way it's bad.

//end private post//

Anya?

Lindsey you don't by any chance have some free time on your hands do you? Never mind....

//Private Entry//

The last few days have been scary. Really scary. Nightmares, very not normal pregnancy symptoms.Finding out I may have lost a kid. So then I get here and it's not much better. At least I'm not a giant burden on Lindsey. Which is good. And everyone here was really nice. So I just went with it.

Then things got really weird. I've dealt with men being very possessive. Men wanting sex...all that I'm used to. But being really obsessive about my children. You know in the sense of not screaming to the world that their not theirs or that I'm a giant slut ...that's weird. Somehow we were just talking and then I mentioned, you know, the losing one thing. Which is sad. But not usually something a perfect stranger starts screaming at a woman for. Things went downhill from there, and I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for these nifty new found skills that seem to happen when I'm sad, scared, or angry I'd be in a whole world of trouble.

My life in captivity aside...These children aren't normal. This I get. We think one's a slayer. And maybe it's just a fluke but pre-pregnancy I didn't set things on fire when I got upset. And these nightmares... (Not to mention my char-broiled hand)

I should probably try to figure out what the hell's going on. And I would if I could get out of here. Or stand for more than 2 minutes. Either Wesley's mistaken or someone is lying about not having something to do with this. Children don't just spontaneously happen. At least not like this.

Haven't heard from Anya or Lindsey either. Not sure whether this is good or bad.

//Private Entry//

First point first. Um, Anya before your phone started breaking up I believe I conveyed this rather clearly, but if not please refrain from telling people I ran away. If in fact I had, it would've really been counterproductive to notify everyone.

//Locked to Lindsey//

I'm alive obviously. And I didn't run away. It's a long and complicate story which can be broken down into general ideas. First Anya left, I dozed off again, had a bad dream, woke up rather unpleasantly, packed my stuff in case, decided to have a cab drop me off to get some air. Then realized I should probably go to the hospital. Had the cab drive up the coast, used a fake name, needed more air after that, ran into who I'm assuming is an old client and am for the time being somewhat fine. Once I figured out how to convey free range omelet to the staff in their native tongue everything was just... swell.

And I have no idea what Anya did or said, she rambles worse than I do. I have the strange feeling she's been under a bit of pressure as of late. Mostly because the recaps of childhood traumas and recent affronts have gotten more 'vivid' to say the least. There was a chart showing my social circle in which the stick figure with cowboy boots stabbed the pregnant stick figure in the back, causing her to do what I'm assuming was die and have 3 questionably demonic spawn fly out of her stomach...that and the charming tale of how in some ancient societies they put their sick and burdensome on an ice flow and send them out to sea to die. Also any clue what she said to Wes, or vice verse? She said he made her cry. Him and D'Hoffryn actually. But I'm less clear on how Wes was able to do so. *nods*

So I have a favor to ask. First Sushi's not actually dead right? You checked? Okay that wasn't so much the favor. As a please don't let my fish be dead pre-emptive...thing Since you're my last friend and everything, was wondering if you could make sure my children get placed in good homes. Even if I don't die. Because let's face it. Not really that good at looking out for people or one for maternal instinct anyway. It shouldn't be too hard because I think there's only two now. And two's easier...than three, right. Thought so. Now that we have that settled...help me pick a country? To live; until they're born. I'd do it myself but I'm drawing a blank...Besides, I still have to figure a polite way to leave this place.

Your BFF,

Li

P.S. Sorry if I made you worry. Things were just...you know. Love you Linds. Don't go doing anything stupid.

//unlocked//

This is Anya. Luckily, I've seen her log in enough times I've figured out Lilah's password. She's still apparently missing. Which is not my fault. I will however accept full responsiblity for accidental damage to certain musical instruments.

Anyway I've pretty much covered all the bases. Everyone who knows her plus the police, so I'm doubting this'll help. But if you've seen Lilah Morgan, please um, well reply here.

She's about...wheelchair height. Brown? hair. Recently had her nails done. Mean. Scares small children, and is slightly pregnant. Was last seen muttering about dead fish and what last name her children would have if she died. She probably won't still be doing that, but it's possible.

Probably won't help with visual id, but there's a traumatic childhood story very, and um a possibly botched re-animation that come into play.

I don't have any photos...well, I think this I saw one of her dad. But he's dead and not so much missing. And I found an icon. Please refer to that.

Oh yeah, she was sort of pale last time we spoke.

Yup.

Oh and she's taking medication. Lots of it. Nothing good...

Now if everyone will excuse me I have a meeting. With *yay* lectures. And a critical analysis of my work. Because apparently not only did I manage to let someone slip completely off my radar I'm overly sensitive to the needs of others. And for the record if a sort of demony looking guy happens to let certian personal details of a certain british guy's personal life slip, I didn't tell him. He just knows these things.

Baby (or babies) are moving. Probably should've let the doctors known when that started happening. The thing is they're really big on bed rest and also, I see no need to sit there hooked up to machines discussing possible death, leg elevation, and pelvic exercises. I may not have much of a life but I do have some pride. Besides while I'm really happy the children are healthy or whatever, the fact that I'm showing now, less than fun. So in closing fascinating new world of pregnancy, sucks. *nods*

And I'm hungry. And Lindsey isn't here. I'm ordering delivery, so hopefully Angelus isn't doing door to door drop bys of firm employees; cause bottom line, if someone knocks, and may have food, I'm inviting them in. *nods again*

Side note: Sushi's swimming funny...and you know, do you think we should have changed his water?

For anyone who feels so inclined taking name suggestions for children. Sort of already chose one, and not sure I have a choice on another, but feel free to toss whatever you like out there for #3.


Edit: Watching Wizard of Oz. (or I was until I decided the music was really much better without the distraction of a a scarecrow, a tin man, and a very poorly dressed woman parading around as a child.) They say children respond to sound in the womb. This might sound funny but I think it's entirely possible my children like Pink Floyd.

( Okay, now laugh with me.... )

//Locked to Lindsey//

Need to talk. Also feed the fish, he's swimming funny. Or maybe the rooms just spinning again.

//unlock//

Note to self: Macaroni and Cheese makes me very sick. Okay, so there may be possible other reasons. Lindsey's going to buy me a goldfish.This could possibly denote, that he plans to be gone doing...things, and feels guilty. As he should. Although he only gives it a week to live, so I'm not sure what that says about me.

On a tangent Linds; you never answered whether or not I could put a pony on your credit card. Nevermind. Not like you'd check anyway. Besides I know you wouldn't want my orphaned children to be deprived...


//Locked to Anya//

Like I was saying before Lindsey so rudely came into his bedroom and threw a hissy fit about melted ice cream... I don't want anyone dead, or maimed. Just to be clear. If you happen to come upon why I'm pregnant, please pass it along though. And thanks for the medicine.

And again no. I don't understand why someone would stand you up on your wedding day.

//Unlock//

Edit: The room is spinning pretty.

//Locked to Linds//


( Getting goodbye letters out of the way. No I'm not leaving yet. Just sitting somewhere. Had free time, it seemed more efficient this way. )

//unlock//

//Locked to Wes as he's the only person I'm speaking to I don't want to strangle at the moment//

Dear Wes,

Lindsey has informed, via the internet I might add, that Savannah may be my daughter and that she's missing. And that if he'd just leave them alone the powers would save my kids, one of which he wants to name Sparky. I'm not saying anything except I don't think this powder's working, and Lindsey obviously has some sort of fur bearing animal in his house because my allergies are really bad. And the doctors' said I was past the emotional stage. Apparently they didn't account for my circumstances.

By the way, in case you were wondering Lindsey has an STD. Poor thing. That's really why Tara left him. *nods* Just in case Angel or Cordelia or anyone you might know was thinking of getting involved with him. That would be a very bad idea. Okay, so I don't know that for a fact, but it's highly probable.In fact it could be something he caught from Darla. Syphilis? It would explain his telling me my daughter was Savannah and that my unborn children were puppies...

Anyway, no one told me Savannah was missing. Obviously I would've been looking for her had someone told me she was missing. She's a really sweet kid, and she snuck over Christmas Eve to keep me company when no one else would. So, it would mean a lot to me if we could determine her whereabouts.And I could use a ride back to the hospital; assuming these are human. Also some of that sense you have; please share. Sense is good. I like sense.

//Unlocked//

Hey Lindsey,

After scouring Wolfram and Hart's accessible files, I determined, well, that I'm not as good at hacking as I am at plain old breaking and entering. So. I decided internet quizzes might hold the answers I'm looking for.(Or you could just tell me.) Among things that may prove useful; one said if I got pregnant it would be by Angel. Thoughts/Comments? And the other was determine what I was giving birth to; you don't think they could be dogs do you? I should probably stop relying on internet quizzes for answers, huh?

( other disturbing type things. )

Okay, so obviously I need real answers.

Sidenote: Linds you're two hours behind on my medicine. And I managed to get another day out of the hospital; don't ask. So you'll be needing to run to the pharmacy.

//Locked to Linds//

So, seeing as Valentines Day was a total bust, to lighten the mood what do you say we get out Ben & Jerry's and talk about Wes. Also you should get drunk, cause I have this theory that if I get you drunk enough you'll tell me anything...I wish I could get drunk.

//Unlock//

Re-posting my 3rd Reply? (not_a_lie, no subject) down because accidentally deleted it.

( for my reference. )

Wasn't going to do this. But Lindsey's on his cell phone ignoring me, like I'm 4 or something and I'm not sure how long I'll feel good enough to get on the computer.

Worst lie ever? I'm not sure I feel like going back through my whole life. But the past few years. Probably when I set Wes up. With the brain suckage of the green guy. Low point. I have an excuse there. I didn't think he'd trust me. And honestly I kind of thought he was smarter than that. But still coming back from a hard night's work to find your - person you're sleeping with at your door pretty much telling you what a horrible human being you are and how they could never trust you again. Kind of a downer. I mean yes, work does come first. But when a lie takes you from one of the happiest moments in your life to just standing there, fuming. Not a good thing.

Also apparently my not telling Wes about the first time I was pregnant with his kid. Which he pretty much called my a baby murderer for. That is until he started adamantly denying he could father children.


Poorly executed?

Not a lie per say. Of course neither in the other two. But in theory a perfectly good ruse. And probably the only time ever Lindsey managed to outplay me. Only time.He's not really as sharp as people give him credit for. He just goes around with a big grin on his face and people think his wheels are turning. Not so much.

Anyway back to me. That whole wire tap deal that went completely bust. I have a three fold explanation for that. One I was panicked. Panic breeds poorly thought out plans. Speaking of which Lindsey, I know you're up to something. Also Darla may have put a hitch in that. It's hard to seduce a guy who's already obsessed with someone. That and I really should have gone with a more sophisticated, better placed wire. I mean the chest? We all know Lindsey was just going for the bra. Sloppy work on my part. Oh that and my forth fold theory.Which centers around Lindsey being gay...Personally I think that deserves more thorough examination. You should really ask him, doc. And the other guys that work here. Can we do video confessionals? I'll grab the popcorn. Cause we have more homo-eroticism floating around this place than...wow.

Anyway since were on the topic of lies and correspondingly secrets, and since this powders got me good for at least a few more hours... Anyone know who my blood donor was?

Also if I've somehow revealed secrets again, sorry. Kind of distracted at the moment.

( //Locked to Linds// )

Thought for the last two days: Evita is more depressing than I remembered...

//Locked to Lindsey//

As much as I'd like to believe that my puppy dog just got hit by a truck, repeatedly, look is just your concern for my well being, I'm pretty sure it has more to do with a certain blonde, formerly fangy? If you need to talk, well... You pretty much know where I am. I may not actually listen but I'm pretty good at faking it. Besides your bringing down the mood. smile.

//Unlock//

//Locked to Wes//

Hi. Hope you're doing okay. And the girls. I'm surviving. Not sure about Lindsey. A few days ago they decided to do a blood transfusion. It's a red cell, pregnancy thing. A lot of hype. I'll probably be okay. No, that's a lie. I could be though. Besides Lindsey keeps yammering on about my not dying and loopholes. So for the sake of the short southern man...

I had all sorts of deep profound things to say, but those thoughts seem to be failing me. (Of course that's not really new when it comes to our conversations of late.) So I'll just say this. Miss you. I know we've never had the best relationship in the world, still. And you're still welcome to drop by. Just don't bring Angel. If security is really as tight as they say he could get skewered. He sort of fits the mock up Angelus, you know?

-Lilah

I know you're going through some stuff right now; just take care of yourself.

//Unlock//

//Locked- Therapy//

( Explicit proof that a fast death with no time for your thoughts to materialize, is the way to go )

//Unlocked//

Note to self: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Mainly those encompassing chatting up the locals

General Disclaimer: I am so sorry. To everyone.

( //Locked// )

Anyway Xander thank you for the flowers. The rest of you...I don't know. They're injecting me with something now. I probably should've asked what.

//Locked to Lindsey//

You wouldn't hurt me, right? Well while you were asleep earlier and I was trying not to be bummed out about, well dying and demonic babies, and the fact Wesley doesn't love me, and that I really have lost all sense of self and everyone hates me...I was commenting in people's journals. Sharing woe. Seriously, I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with my filter. Anywho, I may or may not have mentioned to a certain witch that you had been dating Tara before she left you for the immortal.(Who again is overrated.) I seriously didn't mean to- I was caught off guard... She made some comment about the way I was talking it made sense you were defensive about your children, and I about gagged, and started trying to explain who you were...and oops. So I'm sorry.


Just remember you don't hit women....

And even if you did after reading that I think you'd agree I'm to pathetic to hit.

//Unlock//

//Text message to Lindsey only//

I think I heard Angelus. Or possibly the janitor. Stop talking to nurses and get back here. My whole plan of keeping these children safe hinges on using you as a human shield. requires you to be be here to protect me. Yeah.

Wes hasn't responded to my email... I'm choosing to guess Cordelia cut him off the computer, cause I know we've had our rough patches, but I refuse to believe there's only one adult person I have left to talk to.

Seriously, I may be being paranoid, but there's noises outside the room. Evil soulless vampire noises. If you take this opportunity to run to the car and ditch me there will be consequences.

Also the nurse looked at me funny when I said I couldn't put down the computer or an evil vampire would eat my babies. I think she has issues.

//End message//

to:watcher_pryce@livejournal.com
from:not_a_lie@livejournal.com

( //Locked// )

//unlocked//